


Crossed Wires

by patchfire, raving_liberal



Series: Story of Three Boys [99]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Inferred Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-11
Updated: 2012-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-20 21:32:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchfire/pseuds/patchfire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/raving_liberal/pseuds/raving_liberal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summer 2015; Amidst the growing pressure on Finn to enter the draft, Noah's obsession with internet gossip sites, and Kurt's confidence that he can somehow manage any situation, wires get crossed, deals get made, and relationships get complicated</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shopping

**Author's Note:**

> You can download the Crossed Wires playlist [here](http://storyof3boys.livejournal.com/112452.html)

Kurt shakes his head slightly at the sweater Rachel picks up, but she just pouts and moves on to the next display, still chattering away. 

"Does anything ever change in Lima?" Rachel asks. "You and Noah don't go back often, I know."

"No, the main thing that changes is Audrey," Kurt has to agree. "We're usually there for at least a week twice a year. The rest tends to vary."

They continue shopping for a few more moments, Kurt appreciating the relative silence as Rachel looks for things for herself and Kurt keeps an eye out for anything they can put back for Hanukkah for Hannah. 

"How many people do you keep in touch with?" Rachel asks curiously. "Sometimes I miss everyone, but it seems odd when I contact most of them, now."

"Well, Finn of course," Kurt says. "And Mike and Tina, more than anyone else. I suppose I'm going to have to add to my reality-show repertoire for the summer, just for Mike."

"Oh, well, of course you keep in touch with Finn!" Rachel says. "I suppose it seemed strange to keep in touch with an ex-boyfriend at first." She pauses. "But you could catch me up a little on all three of them!"

Kurt talks about Mike and Tina as they finish at the store and sit down at the cafe next door, talking about the _So You Think You Can Dance_ auditions for Mike and the fact that Mike and Tina actually had broken up for several months before getting back together. 

"And Finn?"

"Finn loves Wisconsin," Kurt says, mentally trying to figure out how best to word things after the conversation he and Noah had had. "I mean, he loves the team and the classes, but Rachel, some of the things that get said."

"What do you mean?" Rachel frowns.

"You remember that blind item?" Rachel nods. "It's by far not the last time that things have been said or rumored about him. He's not going around dating on campus and he's not sleeping around. Add to that the fact that he's publicly said he's not certain that he'll enter the draft."

"And there are rumors," Rachel finishes, sighing. "Oh, that's awful. Why won't people just let it be? I think it's commendable to choose to focus on one's schoolwork and, well. Athletic pursuits."

"Yes, well, I wish the gossip-mongers and even Carole felt the same way," Kurt says. "Which is why— well, Noah and I were wondering if you'd do Finn a favor. A solid, as Noah said."

"What do you mean?" Rachel looks confused. "What can I do?"

"You're going to be in Lima for a week or so, and Finn will still be there for another few weeks." Kurt sighs and rolls his eyes. "Carole insisted that he hang around Lima longer this summer, since he wasn't taking any summer classes. He's bored out of his mind, but Carole's happy. Regardless, perhaps you could be seen in his company? He's _not_ going to be dating anyone, Rachel, that's not what I'm saying."

"You want me to fake-date him," Rachel says. "I understand. He gets to be seen possibly rekindling a high school romance that would now be long-distance, and I would get the increased publicity as an up-and-coming Broadway performer!"

Kurt resists the urge to laugh, because that's not going to help his case, but he's not sure that senior at Juilliard is quite the same as an up-and-coming Broadway performer, especially given that she's not been to a single audition quite yet. Instead, he nods. "Yes, exactly."

"Are we talking about just once in Lima, or perhaps a few more times if he comes to visit here?" Rachel asks, her gaze calculating.

"Let's wait and see," Kurt says. "Rachel, I mean it. You can't look at this as even a chance of getting back together with him."

"I know," Rachel assures Kurt. "But it is rather mutually beneficial."

"That's the hope, yes. If you're able to take any sort of picture, Noah knows the right places to make sure it's seen online. And we'll make sure you're identified. 'Rachel Berry, Juilliard senior and up-and-coming Broadway performer'?"

"Yes, please," Rachel agrees with a smile. "I'll post any pictures to Facebook immediately."

Kurt nods and takes another sip of his coffee. He can't believe they've come to this, but the gossip is getting increasingly nasty, and the more gossip there is, the more he and Noah can't help but worry. Finn thinks Wisconsin would be different than the SEC, and what happened with Baptiste two years ago, but Kurt knows that they can't be sure. Karofsky's experience at Georgia Tech is far more likely to be atypical than typical in the world of college football, and Karofsky has little to no pressure regarding going pro and entering the draft. 

Privately, Noah has told Kurt that he's even more worried should Finn bow to the pressure and enter the draft. The NFL isn't going to be as understanding, without an institutional commitment to equality and tolerance like Wisconsin has had. A few photo opportunities that, as Rachel says, are mutually beneficial – at least it should keep Finn safe.


	2. Shots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BAC of .380, and maybe somebody should have informed Finn of the plan.

Finn walks down the stairs and into the kitchen, where his mom and Audrey are both sitting at the table playing with pink and green playdough. Carole looks up briefly and then tilts her head to the side, looking puzzled. “You’re wearing that?”

Finn looks down at himself. His jeans are clean and he put on a fresh T-shirt, so what’s the problem? “What?” he asks. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing,” Carole says, almost too casually. “I just thought you’d wear something a little nicer.”

“Why? It’s not a date or anything. We’re just meeting for a drink.”

“All right.” Carole shrugs. “Audrey, tell Finn bye-bye, he’s going out to see a friend.”

“Playdate?” Audrey asks. 

“Yeah, like a playdate,” Finn agrees. “Just an old friend. I’ll see you later, Aud. Mom, not sure how late I’ll be, but if I’m really late, I’ll come in quiet.”

“Thank you, honey,” Carole smiles. “It’s so nice you have a chance to go out with a girl who isn’t a lesbian.” She laughs like it’s not a big deal. “Have fun.”

“I’ll have, uh, drinks if nothing else,” Finn says, shrugging. “No guarantees about fun.”

“Well, call a cab if you drink too much,” Carole chides. “Bye, Finn.”

Finn rolls his eyes a little as he heads out in Carole’s car; she was bound to figure out sooner or later that all those girls he’d mentioned going out to dinner or coffee with were Elevens. He’ll get to the bar a little early, but that’s better, really. He’ll order a beer and steel his nerves for the verbal onslaught and five million questions, and why exactly did he agree to this again?

He’d kind of like to be doing anything other than this, preferably anywhere other than Lima, but his mom flipped her shit over his plan to go back to New York for the whole summer. No Hunter, no need to go out as early, and doesn’t Finn want to give Kurt and Puck some time off school without him intruding? Once she got Burt involved, there wasn’t much Finn could do. Maybe they’re right, anyway. Things have felt increasingly weird since the wedding, so maybe Puck and Kurt _do_ need some time off together, without Finn there.

After Finn arrives at J’s and parks, he scans the parking lot for any familiar vehicles, not that he really expects it. There’s _nobody_ around this week. He goes inside and sits at the bar, ordering a beer and waiting. He’s halfway through a second beer and it’s at least five minutes past when they said they’d meet when Rachel slides onto the chair next to him, beaming at him. “Hello again!”

“Hey, Rach,” Finn says. “How are things in New York?”

“They’re good,” Rachel chirps. “I’m so excited for senior year! I get to take a course in the history of singing, plus of course all of our usual performance opportunities.” She pauses, almost like she’s forgetting something. “And you? How is Madison? Are you still doing music education?”

“Switched to psych a while ago, actually,” Finn says, then downs the rest of his beer in a long swallow. “Music minor.”

“Psychology, really?” Rachel looks fascinated. “What will you do with that? Oh, or are you just going to play football? Daddy said something about you might be drafted!”

Finn shrugs. “Yeah, I don’t know about that yet. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about football. Never planned on going pro, but I never thought we’d have a season like last year, and the money’s gonna be hard to pass up. Nice to be able to pay for grad school without having to take any loans.”

“Grad school! How exciting!” Rachel looks surprised for a split second before she covers it up with enthusiasm. “Where do you think you’ll apply? I admit, I’m _so_ not sure if I want to keep going to school!”

“NYU Steinhardt has a program, music therapy. No idea if I could get in and I might just completely fall on my ass even if I did, then there’s the money issue, which brings us back to football,” Finn says. “I’m gonna get another beer. You want something?”

“Oh! Sure,” Rachel nods enthusiastically. “Um, a glass of white wine. And surely it helps that your undergraduate education has been essentially free?”

Finn turns to the bartender and quickly puts in his order, then turns back to Rachel. “Yeah, but I haven’t exactly been able to work while I’m going to school, and not even that much during the summer, because I’m taking classes and I have to go back kind of early for preseason stuff.”

Rachel looks confused, like maybe she doesn’t quite understand why he can’t work while school’s in session, or why he takes classes during the summer, or even what preseason stuff is. “Oh. Are they that controlling, that you have to do all of those things and can’t work? Of course I haven’t been working, my dads have sent me a reasonable sum each month to live on.”

Finn just stares at her for a moment. “I go to school full time and I’m the starting quarterback. When am I going to work enough hours to save for graduate school, exactly?”

“Well.” Rachel looks flustered. “I guess that’s true.” She laughs a little. “I don’t know how your brother and Noah do it, really!”

“Because they can do anything?” Finn suggests, also laughing. “They work hard and they’re smart.”

“They do work hard!” Rachel agrees. “I haven’t seen them in a month or two, actually. Do you keep up with anyone else? I saw Mike’s audition on television; it’s so exciting!”

“Yeah, Tina was so excited, I thought she might pee,” Finn says. “I see them sometimes when I’m in the City. We played LSU this past season, so I saw Sam. We email once or twice a month. Me and Karofsky text and email pretty regularly.”

“You come to New York that often?” Rachel sounds surprised again. “I had no idea!”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t know what you’d consider often, but yeah, I try to fly out there when I can,” Finn says, working on the third beer the bartender put in front of him. 

“Oh, wait!” Rachel waves at the bartender before he gets more than a step away. “Can you take a picture of us?” she asks the bartender, who nods and takes her phone, snapping two pictures before handing her back the phone. “Thank you!” Rachel says, turning to her phone to do something. “Sorry, you were saying? New York?”

“I’m gonna be out there in a week,” Finn explains, “before I have to fly back for preseason.”

“Oh! I’ll be back in New York by then, too!” Rachel looks unreasonably excited at this news. “And you said you talk to Karofsky?” she continues. “That’s— I wouldn’t have expected that!”

“Well, I mean, we’re both balancing football and college and, uh, stuff. Hey, so he and Casey finally hooked up! Only took, what, like three years?” Finn chuckles. “That’s some patience, right there.”

“That’s so romantic,” Rachel says happily. “True love is worth waiting for, though, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, apparently there was some kiss on the field or something. They showed it on ESPN,” Finn explains. “It was cute.”

“Ohh, how nice,” Rachel smiles. “They were always so cute together, weren’t they? I love knowing that sometimes couples from high school make it long-term. Like your brother and Noah, or even Mike and Tina.”

“Yeah, I think it was good they didn’t hook up in high school, though, Casey and Karofsky,” Finn says, ignoring the part about Kurt and Puck. “I think the time and space was good for both of them.” He finishes off his beer. “So what about you? Who do you talk to?”

“Mercedes and I try to email or Skype periodically. She just loves Atlanta; she’s dating a nice boy from Georgia Tech and I think they’re talking about getting married! Sometimes I get emails from Brittany that are usually very confusing.”

“I get those sometimes, too,” Finn says. “I can’t tell if she and Santana still see each other off and on, or if she’s talking about stuff from before and it’s just the guy with the cat, or what. Britt’s timeline is interesting. She’s gonna be in the City this fall.”

“Really? Why?” Rachel cocks her head and looks confused. “You mean to visit?”

“Something about doughnuts. Kurt wasn’t entirely sure.”

Rachel laughs again, shaking her head. “So.” Rachel’s hand moves a little closer to him on the bar. “No definite plans for after school. No special someone, either?”

“Uh.” Finn’s not really sure how he’s supposed to answer that, so he settles on, “I’m gonna order a kamikaze. Do you want a kamikaze?”

“I don’t think so,” Rachel says, sounding a little unsure. “I’ll just have another glass of wine.”

Finn orders his shot and Rachel’s wine. Once their drinks are set down in front of them, Finn picks up his shot glass and holds it in Rachel’s direction. “Cheers?”

“Cheers!” Rachel echoes, lifting her wineglass to barely touch the shot glass. “This is so much fun, I’m glad I ran into you earlier!”

Finn nods once, then tosses back his shot, setting the glass down a little harder than necessary. “I’m gonna have another one, I think. Vacation, right?”

“Right!” Rachel smiles brightly. “Live it up before you get back to football.”

“Yup.” When Finn’s next shot arrives and he drinks it, he starts thinking maybe it wasn’t such an awful idea to meet Rachel out for drinks. None of that awkward get to know you crap. He can talk about people they already know. Hell, he can even talk about Kurt and Puck all he wants, because Rach knows them and probably even has stories Finn hasn’t heard yet. This wasn’t such a bad idea.

 

He drinks another half-dozen shots and then moves on to some mixed drink called a zombie, and by the time he’s had a few of those, Finn realizes he’s spent the last five minutes or so talking about Puck’s hair, how long it’s getting, how much it reminds him of when they were little, how he likes messing with Puck about it.

“And he seriously had that leaf in his hair for like _three hours_ before he noticed it!” Finn slaps his hand on the bar. “And he didn’t notice it until Kurt came home and asked him what was in his hair!” 

Rachel trills with laughter, clearly imagining the scene. “Has he not cut it at all? It was already looking a little long when I last saw him.”

“Yeah, I don’t think Kurt will let him,” Finn laughs. “And you know, whatever Kurt says…”

“Yes!” Rachel grins. “Kurt is definitely in charge. I don’t actually know anyone who _doesn’t_ do what Kurt tells them to do.”

“I always do what Kurt tells me to do,” Finn agrees. “Always. Every time. Bossofme.”

“It’s a gift, I suppose,” Rachel says airily. “It’s so funny, isn’t it? Back in high school, Kurt was the one that was friends with all the girls, but now it’s Noah and Allison and the blonde girl, and Kurt talks to Zachary and the other boy more.”

“Veetoo and Ben,” Finn says. “That’s their names. Ben. Veetoo.”

“Yes, them,” Rachel nods. “So funny! It’s too bad that she doesn’t have that star power she’ll need to truly succeed.”

“Nah, Veetoo’s great. She’s really great,” Finn says. “She’s _funny_. Heh, she’s a funny girl, Rach!”

Rachel’s smile looks a little pinched for some reason, but she laughs at the joke anyway. “Such a jokester, Finn.” She shrugs a little. “So have Noah and Kurt said what they’re going to do after this year?”

“They’re gonna go to that school that sounds like you can blow your nose on it,” Finn says. “You know. That one.”

“What?” Rachel looks at him quizzically.

“ _That_ one. The tissue one.”

“What are they going to study?”

“Musicals or something,” Finn shrugs. “For writing their musicals. Or finishing their musicals, I guess.”

“Musicals,” Rachel repeats, like she has no idea what a musical is. “Oh. Tisch?”

“Yes!” Finn says, pointing at Rachel. “Yeah, that one!”

“Oh, well, I had no idea!” Rachel gushes. “What are they about?”

“I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you,” Finn says. He grins at Rachel and props his head up on his hand on the bar. “Sorry, Rach.”

Rachel giggles and leans forward, putting her hand on his other forearm. “Of course! I wouldn’t ask you to break a brotherly confidence.”

“Yeah, gotta do all the things Kurt says, right?” Finn smiles widely at Rachel.

“He is your big brother!” Rachel chirps, leaning closer. “Are you going to get another drink, Finn?”

Finn definitely thinks about it, but then he shakes his head. “Nah, I’ve gotta be able to drive home later. Hours later, I guess. Oh, damn, I really didn’t think this through, huh!”

“It’s so weird to drive when I come home,” Rachel muses with a little titter. “I think I can drive you. We can come pick up your mom’s car tomorrow morning!”

“Yeah, I always tell Puck, ‘dude, you’re gonna forget how to drive!’ And he just makes that _face_ at me, you know?” Finn shakes his head. “Oh, I guess maybe you don’t know. Anyway, he makes a face.”

“Shall we?” Rachel says, hopping off the barstool and standing almost too close to Finn. “It’s no trouble.”

“Yeah, ok. Long as you’re sure,” Finn says. “Thanks, Rach!” Finn pushes himself to his feet, using the back of his chair. The world is definitely wobbly. 

Rachel inserts herself under his arm, giggling. “Careful, you wiggled a little there, Finn!”

“Yeah, sometimes I’m just wiggly, I guess,” Finn says, using Rachel to balance himself. “Thanks.”

“No problem at all!” Rachel assures him as they head towards the door. “This has already been enjoyable.” As they slide through the doors, Finn feels Rachel’s hand patting him softly on his back. She pulls away from him when they reach her dad’s car, looking up at Finn.

It feels a little bit like high school, like no time has passed at all, and that’s very weird and disturbing and profoundly _relieving_ at the same time. “This was fun,” Finn says. 

“It _is_!” Rachel agrees. “Ooop, there you go!” She fumbles with the keys, unlocking the doors. “Won’t take us long at all.”

“Thanks, Rach, really.”

“Oh, you’re welcome, Finn,” Rachel assures him, starting the car and pulling out. She’s quiet on the drive and Finn closes his eyes, leaning back against the seat. He can feel all the drinks catching up with him, but when he tries to do the math to figure out exactly how much he had, it’s just too hard. When he feels the car turn sharply, he opens his eyes to see that Rachel is pulling into her driveway.

Finn tries to ask Rachel what she’s doing, but at first nothing comes out but some kind of confused noise. He tries again, and manages to slur, “Not my house.”

“Oh.” Rachel shrugs and smiles at Finn. “I figured you didn’t want to wake up your little sister! I wasn’t sure about how your mom or Burt would react, either, so I thought I’d bring you here. It’s fine, we’re not going to wake anyone up, since Dad and Daddy went to see a show in Columbus.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Finn says. “Drank too much. Sorry.”

Rachel just continues smiling and climbs out of the car, walking around to open the door for Finn. “It’s no trouble, of course.” She steers Finn up the stairs and into the house, and the next thing Finn knows, he’s sitting on Rachel’s bed while she does something at her dresser.

“Rach?”

“Yes, Finn?” Rachel spins around, smiling. 

“Bed?” he says, trying to indicate that he’d really like to lie down before he passes out, since that seems likely to happen in the near future. 

“Go ahead and lie down!” Rachel instructs him. “I’m not sure you need to be left alone tonight after that much alcohol, Finn.”

“’M fine, ’s nothing much,” Finn mumbles, waving her away, or at least trying to. Mostly his arm just flails around randomly.

“You should lie on your side,” Rachel insists. “Do you want to drink some water before you pass— fall asleep?”

“Hmm?” Finn blinks at her, trying to make sense of what she’s saying, then mostly giving up. 

Rachel pulls on Finn’s T-shirt, tugging it upwards. “You don’t want to sleep in this, I suspect. Or your jeans.”

“Rach, no,” Finn says, trying to pull away, but getting tangled in his shirt. “Rach.”

“No?” Rachel frowns. “Finn, you’re probably going to sweat. Or throw up. Or both. And there aren’t exactly clothes your size here.”

“I didn’t… this wasn’t…” Finn tries to explains, but his words keep getting stuck. He can’t explain that he didn’t meet her for drinks to get his clothes taken off, it isn’t what he wants, and that he’d really just like to lie down and black out now, if it’s all the same to her.

“I know,” Rachel says. “I know you’re a gentleman, but this really is.” She sighs and stops tugging on his T-shirt. “Do you want me to go get some water for you?”

He doesn’t want water at all. Suddenly, all he really wants is to be in New York with _them_. Holding his head up—his whole body up—is hard, though, and all Finn can come up with is, “I want…” before he thumps over onto the bed and blacks out. 

 

Finn wakes up in the morning with his head pounding, feeling nauseated, and it takes him a minute or two to remember the bar and the drinks. He understands why they’re called “zombie” now, though; that’s how he feels. When he tries to sit up, the room spins and he holds himself up with one hand against the mattress and one over his mouth, trying to decide if he needs to puke or not. It takes a little while before all signs point to no again. Only then does he realize he’s not in the guest room at home.

No, he’s in a very familiar bedroom, one he hasn’t been in for a few years now. As that realization dawns on him, he also notices he’s at least mostly naked, stripped down to nothing but his underwear. He’s in nothing but underwear in Rachel Berry’s bed and he has absolutely no idea what happened after he left the bar last night. 

The door pushes open and Rachel enters, a huge glass of something thick and yellowish-green. “Oh, good, you’re awake!”

Finn pulls the sheet up to his chin. “Rachel! Uh… hi!”

“I made you a smoothie,” Rachel says, offering Finn the glass. “It should help with your hangover. I thought you’d want to feel better before we go get your mom’s car.”

Finn reaches out with one hand, keeping the sheet pulled up with the other. “Uh. Thanks?” He looks at the glass. “It’s kind of green.”

Rachel smiles and winks. “I added a little to the recipe. Iron’s so important, especially with your football career.”

“Huh?” Finn asks. “Look, uh. Rach. About last night…”

“I had a good time, didn’t you?” Rachel says, not meeting his eyes. “Maybe I could meet you, Kurt, and Noah sometime when you’re in New York. When did you say you were heading to Manhattan?”

“I don’t think I did,” Finn says. “Did I? It’s like a week or so.”

“Oh, good.” Rachel smiles. “Well, drink up! I’ll wait in the kitchen in case you want a refill.”

“No, I think this’ll be fine,” Finn says. “Thanks, Rach.”

“You might change your mind when you taste it.” Rachel leaves the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

“Oh my god,” Finn says quietly to himself, once Rachel’s steps have retreated. “Oh god, I fucked her. Did I fuck her? I don’t remember fucking her. Oh, _fuck_ , what if I fucked her?” To help clear his head, he takes a sip of the smoothie Rachel made, and promptly spits the sip right back into the glass. “Oh my god.”

He stands, still mostly naked, glass still in hand, and bolts for Rachel’s bathroom. He pukes loudly and painfully into the toilet for a while before sitting up and realizing he’s still holding the glass of smoothie. He dumps it into the toilet and flushes, then uses his hand as a cup to get water from the sink to rinse out his mouth. Oh, fuck. This is not good at all.


	3. Crossed Wires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Public perception, private truths, and the fucking draft that divides them.

Noah looks up when Kurt’s phone starts to trill out ‘Think of Me’, and the two of them sit down on the futon, Kurt turning it on speaker as he answers. 

“Hello?” they say at the same time. 

“Hello, boys,” Rachel says. “Was that picture what you were looking for?”

“Yeah, it was,” Noah answered. “I put it around a few places last night and I’ve seen it picked up by a few others since then, so it’s getting some attention.”

“Oh, good. I’m happy I could help. I did want to tell you two things, though.”

“Oh?” Kurt asks. 

“First of all, I’m a little concerned by the amount of alcohol Finn imbibed while we were at the bar last night. I can’t be certain, but I think he was drinking before I got there, too! I brought him back to my house because I wasn’t certain how Carole or Burt would feel about seeing him so intoxicated, and I did make sure he slept on his side to prevent aspiration.”

Noah and Kurt exchange a confused look. “I’m sure it wasn’t quite that bad,” Noah says. 

“Oh, no, he passed out before he could get undressed,” Rachel says. “I hope you aren’t too angry with me, but I did remove his T-shirt and jeans, since he didn’t have any other clothes to wear this morning. He was out cold by then. The fact that he so easily consumed that much alcohol, though. Does he drink quite a lot normally?”

“I don’t think so,” Kurt says slowly. “When he’s visiting or we visit him, we’ll all have a beer or two, but that’s it. Maybe the boredom of Lima was just catching up with him?”

“Perhaps.” Rachel sounds dubious. “The other thing I wanted to let you know is that I’m afraid Finn might think that he and I were intimate.”

“Why would he think that?” Noah asks suspiciously. 

“He seemed quite embarrassed this morning, no doubt due to how much he drank last night, so I didn’t enquire further. When I first brought him a smoothie, he wouldn’t even meet my eyes. I tried to engage him in conversation when we were returning to pick up Carole’s car, but again, I think he didn’t want to discuss it. So I can’t be certain, of course, that his impression was that we were intimate, but it did seem that way.”

“Well. I’m sure we can set that misperception straight,” Kurt manages to say after gaping at Noah for a moment. 

“Of course,” Rachel agrees. “Just let me know if we should meet up at some point this summer, boys.”

“Thanks, Rachel,” Noah says. “Have fun at your audition thing.”

“Oh, thank you!” Rachel squeals. “I’m so excited. If I can get a part before graduation, I’ll feel like I have such a leg up on things.” She pauses. “I really have to run. I’ll talk to you later!”

“Bye, Rachel,” Noah and Kurt say together, and the call ends. 

“Do you really think he thinks he slept with her?” Kurt says incredulously. 

“I don’t know.” Noah frowns. “I mean, you’d think he’d mention that to us, right? Maybe Rachel was misinterpreting?”

“I don’t think he’d be that upset about getting drunk, though,” Kurt points out. “So if he didn’t want to discuss something, Rachel’s theory actually makes a crazy amount of sense.”

“She left his underwear on, she said. I guess waking up in just underwear?” Noah shakes his head. “I mean, he has gotten drunk enough to fuck someone before.”

“Right.” Kurt sighs. “Though I suppose I had chalked that one up to the blind item more than the drinking. If he thinks he fucked her, why didn’t he call and tell us? We’ve been available all day.” He glances at the clock. “More than available, for several hours now.”

“I don’t know.” Noah frowns and slumps back against the futon. “I know we didn’t give him any shit about the cheerleader that time but he told us pretty much right away and there were extenuating circumstances. Still, you’d think he’d realize we’re not going to give him as much shit if we just know these things.”

“Maybe Carole came to the same conclusion he did and kidnapped him for a party,” Kurt says dryly. “She’s probably dictating wedding invitations already.”

Noah snorts, because he can sadly see Carole doing exactly that. “He could still text us ‘help’ or something,” Noah finally points out. “So why hasn’t he told us?”

“I don’t know, baby,” Kurt says. “You’re right. He could have contacted us or said something. I mean, thank god he didn’t really do anything with her, but he has no reason to think we would know that.” Kurt frowns. “Maybe we should have warned him about Rachel.”

“He wouldn’t have let her take a picture or anything,” Noah feels obligated to point out. It’s true, they probably should have warned him before he met Rachel, but Noah still doesn’t think that Finn would have gone along even with meeting her at a bar, much less anyone taking a picture, if he’d known the truth. “But I guess I just feel pissed anyway.”

“Hmm. Yes.” Kurt sighs. “I suppose we just have to wait and see what he says when he gets here. Or what he doesn’t say before then.”

 

For once, Finn doesn’t hurry from the gate to the waiting area. The eight days between the maybe-fucking-maybe-not-fucking and this moment haven’t done anything to clear up his memory, solve the dilemma of did he or didn’t he, or help him come up with a way to explain this to Puck and Kurt without completely ruining everything. 

When Finn finally gets to the lobby, he can see Kurt and Puck standing along one of the side walls, their arms crossed over their chests. Finn takes a deep breath, forces his face into a wide grin, and approaches them, spreading his arms as he gets closer.

“Hey, you guys,” Finn says. 

Kurt’s eyebrows go up as the two of them straighten, Puck pushing himself off the wall. “Finn,” Kurt says slowly, “do you perhaps have something you need to communicate with us?”

“Uh.” Finn lets his arms—and his smile—drop. “Shit. You guys, I might have accidentally fucked Rachel Berry.” He grimaces slightly and waits for the inevitable yelling, followed by the inevitable putting his ass back on a plane, because they’re inevitably done with him.

“And you didn’t think we would have wanted to know this closer to when it allegedly occurred?” Puck asks, not sounding nearly as pissed as Finn had expected.

“Probably,” Finn admits, his shoulders sagging. “I just thought… well, I thought I should tell you in person, so you could yell at me in person and— and, I guess… so you could break up with me in person if that’s what you wanted to do,” he finishes. “So that’s why.”

“And I thought Noah was dramatic.” Kurt shakes his head. “First of all, you didn’t fuck Rachel.”

“I didn’t _mean_ to. I don’t even remember it happening! It probably still counts, though, so—”

“No, he means, you didn’t fuck her, period,” Puck interrupts. “You passed out and Rachel made sure you didn’t aspirate or die of alcohol poisoning or vomit on your clothes.”

“I _never_ vomit on my clothes,” Finn grumbles to himself, before realizing exactly what Puck’s saying. “Wait. So you talked to her? And she for sure says nothing happened?”

“She was convinced you were embarrassed about drinking so much, but we didn’t bother to correct that,” Kurt says, shrugging and gesturing for Finn to walk towards the exit with them. “She was quite convinced you were going to be out of clean clothes to wear the next morning, though, so she took them off you after you passed out.”

“We talked to her the next evening. Nice picture, by the way.” Puck says, smirking slightly.

“Yeah, I think she had the bartender take our picture?” Finn says. “Not entirely sure when that happened, though.”

“Well, luckily no one’s figured out you were drunk in the picture so far, which works out.” Puck shrugs. “Kinda defeat the purpose.”

“Defeats the what?” Finn asks. “What purpose?”

“I— what was that word again, K?”

“Disseminated.”

“Yeah, I disseminated that in a few places. Got passed around.”

“ _Why?_ ” Finn asks. “Why would you want to pass around a picture of me and Rachel, of all people?”

“One, she’s a girl. Two, she’s a girl that isn’t in Madison.” Puck shrugs. “Three, nothing will convince the cesspool of the DataLounge to leave anyone alone, but most sites aren’t as bad as it.”

“One, I don’t know what that place is that you just said, and I think I’m ok with that,” Finn says. “And two, did you, like, _set me up with her_?” Considering he’s only just been reassured that he didn’t actually fuck Rachel, maybe he should be less defensive, but suddenly now there’s pictures and lounges and pools, and he’s not exactly sure what’s happening, but he thinks he might not like it at all. 

“It is, as Rachel said, mutually beneficial,” Kurt says, hailing a taxi. “As Noah said, Rachel is not a resident of Madison, where you primarily are. You’re seen with someone, her name gets mentioned as an up-and-coming Broadway performer, and it provides a modicum of protection, at least.”

“So, what? You want me to pretend to date her? And she’s just ok with that?” Finn asks. 

“We were waiting to see what happened in another week or so,” Puck says. “Give it time to spread out even more. Maybe it’s just a one-time thing but maybe not. Like Kurt said, she gets publicity beyond what she could otherwise dream of, and it protects you.”

A taxi stops in front of them, and they pile in, Finn in the middle. “And you guys just decided this was a good idea?” he asks. “Didn’t think maybe you should talk to me about it first?”

“Would you have managed to make any of it look even somewhat authentic?” Kurt asks. “Anyway, the intent was not for you to pass out on Rachel.”

“Did change things a bit,” Puck agrees. “And you just said you didn’t want to know about some of the shit that gets posted. But I _do_ keep up with it.”

“So fake dating is the solution,” Finn says, shaking his head. “That’s just awesome. Thanks. Thanks so much.”

“Sorry for caring,” Puck says. “It’s not like we _like_ the idea, but something needed to happen.”

“Fuck,” Finn mutters. He slouches down in the seat and huffs through his nose. “I’ve only got the one year left, and nobody’s fucked with me so far. One rumor, you know? It’s never gotten that bad.”

“It may have started as one rumor,” Puck says quietly, eyeing the taxi driver, who appears to be ignoring them. “But it’s been kept alive, and there’s— there’s shit out there, darling, okay? I’ve had to take a fucking Xanax after reading some of it.”

“He doesn’t let me read some of it,” Kurt admits.

“I’m just one college football player,” Finn says. “I don’t understand why they even care.”

“Because they can’t figure out why the Rose Bowl champion quarterback keeps saying he’s not sure that he’ll enter the draft, and since you check out with a clean bill of health and there’s no family reasons not to.” Puck pauses to snort. “It clearly has to be something personal about you, and certain segments of the population would really like to figure out exactly what it must be.”

“Add in the Elevens and well, us,” Kurt says, rolling his eyes. “And the speculation increases.”

“Fuck,” Finn says again, because what else is there to say. “How do we decide if we need more fake dates? And you’re sure Rachel’s cool with this?”

“I told her there was absolutely no chance of it being anything real,” Kurt says. “She quite liked the idea of the publicity. If we need to do anything this summer, we’ll make sure it’s all four of us. She doesn’t know about _us_ -us, but she understands that the necessity is because you’re— how did she put it? Focusing on your academic and athletic pursuits, something like that.”

“There’s no exact science,” Puck admits. “I’m just guessing at what works. I just felt like we needed to _try_.”

“Do we need to… I dunno. Do anything different?” Finn asks. “Do I still get my summer?”

“Our summer,” Puck corrects. “Like K said, if we have to go somewhere and let Rachel tag along, we will, but otherwise we should be fine.”

“Just continue to keep your Wisconsin things packed unless we are with Rachel,” Kurt says wryly.

“Don’t I usually in New York?” Finn says, then sighs. 

 

Noah usually takes his backpack to work, so it's not like Finn or Kurt will think it's weird that he's taken it. It's a little unusual for him to take his laptop along, too, but again, not that strange, and if either of them notice it, they'll probably assume he's taking an hour or two after work to work on something. 

They're not wrong, exactly. 

During the semester, it's pretty easy to find time to check the blogs and gossip sites while Kurt isn't around. Sure, Noah shows some of the stuff to him, but it's selected. He keeps the worst language and the worst suggestions of violence from Kurt. He'll copy and paste something that's almost laughably funny, or something Kurt needs to be aware of, and stick it in an email, with no links to the sites. 

Sure, Kurt could find them if he put time into it, but Noah doesn't want to make it any easier. He's the one that started looking, and once he started looking, he had realized that he didn't really want either of the other two to know the full details. He has a separate folder in his bookmarks and an approach that lets him get through it. He has a routine, too, of where he checks them. Not at his Starbucks, not at home, not even on Mannes' connection. He takes the subway down two stops, to Columbus Circle, and goes inside the Time Warner Center before he opens up his laptop. 

The DataLounge is first. There's no new mentions of Finn, either having been seen with Rachel or not, which is what Noah had more or less expected there, since it isn't really football season yet. He digs around in the old threads and shakes his head at how close to accurate the 'wildest speculation' is. 

Then he goes to Off the Field Play, with its tagline explaining exactly what it is: delving into the private lives of star athletes. He always feels a little dirty when he goes to these sites, hoping no one notices what he's reading or what site he's on, but he plows through anyway. There are recent threads about Finn on this site, two of them, and Noah skims them quickly. One is just more posts on the same thread that's been running for months about why Finn wouldn't automatically be entering the draft. There's a brand new suggestion of why, though, that despite all indications to the contrary, Finn must have some degeneration in his arm, that would result in permanent impairment if it were injured.

The second thread is new. There's an image, according to the symbol next to the thread, and Noah smirks when the post opens. "Score," he mutters to himself. The image is the picture of Finn with Rachel, and there's some posts about who Rachel could be. Ten posts in, someone found one of the sites Noah had seeded with the picture, and had copied Rachel's name and the bit about who she was. The posts that follow include the suggestion that the picture means nothing, that Rachel's just a high school friend trying to use Finn's fame, and inevitably, the thought that Rachel's doing exactly what she really is— doing an old friend a solid. 

Sportssecrets.net is the scary one, in Noah's opinion. Off the Field Play speculates a lot but doesn't tend to draw conclusions or suggest actions. Sports Secrets is a group of the most homophobic, violence-driven individuals Noah's ever seen. Not all of the threads go in that direction, of course: if a player is a known womanizer, he gets approbation, and generally a player accused of domestic violence or sexual assault has excuses made on his behalf. There have been exactly four threads on Sports Secrets that are about Finn or mention his name more than once, and none of them are enjoyable. Noah closes his laptop for a moment and goes to get a smoothie before coming back to read the newest one, as well as responses to the now-bumped up fourth thread. 

The fourth thread had taken a turn for the violent before it petered out three months earlier. The posting of Finn's picture with Rachel just renewed their bile. Instead of making women into something for men to use, now they're protesting 'such a beautiful girl' being used to 'make Hudson look straight’. They're right, of course, that she is being used to make Finn look straight, but since she's more or less in the know, it's hardly being used, in Noah's mind. The threads feed off each other, both of them getting nastier. Eventually they reach the point of making 'suggestions' for the linebackers and defensive ends at Ohio State, Nebraska, and Michigan. The most recent post is a suggestion that someone start a bounty program across teams, with the sole aim of sacking Finn as much as possible. Noah grimaces and digs out his Xanax; he'll check again before he leaves, and he can guarantee at least one response will hope that a sack takes Finn out of a game or the season.

The last of the places he regularly checks is talksportytome on tumblr. It's not a message board, just a series of things submitted and asked, and the people that run the blog leave snarky comments on the asks or in the tags. There's also pictures and links posted, and it gives Noah a good view on what is going across a fan's mind at any given point in the year. 

Of course, tumblr tends to see gay people everywhere. Some of them are convinced Angel and Xander were together, and another contingent likes the idea of Giles with Wesley, and while Noah can concede on Angel with Spike, definitely, he just doesn't see the other two. So it's no surprise that the submitters on talksportytome seem to think that about 70% of professional athletes and maybe close to 90% of college athletes are all gay. 

Maybe not that high, but some of the speculation has to be wrong, just statistically. 

So there's a submission of the picture of Finn and Rachel, another submission about who Rachel is, from someone who read the initial caption and then did his or her own sleuthing. Finally, there's an ask, which the mods of the blog agree with, that says one picture just isn't enough, especially since the consensus on tumblr is that she's probably just another lesbian. Noah snorts and makes a mental note that they'll need to put a few pictures out there of Rachel with other guys.

When he does return to Sports Secrets, it's worse than he had thought it would be. Instead of  
taking Finn out of a game, at least two posters hope enough sacks would 'resolve the problem' for Finn regarding the draft. "No one wants to draft a player that's injured and sits out the rest of his senior year, after all," the user known as originalbearsfan37 writes, and Noah shakes his head. If they weren't serious, he could almost find it ridiculous, but he's never sure. He's pretty sure that they are, in fact, mostly serious. There's a few posters with usernames that suggest they could be actual players. OLbuck3ye tells the rest of them not to worry, he might have a few connections! Noah sighs and drains the rest of his smoothie. He puts all the copied bits into one doc and makes sure it saves before closing his computer and replacing it in his backpack. 

The truth is that putting it all together and looking at it all at once scares him more than he lets on to either Kurt or Finn. He just has to keep finding a way to communicate to them without having to give too many details.

 

Sharing Finn with anyone else isn’t their first choice, but Rachel has been understanding and more or less tolerable, as she generally has been after increasing time in New York. She’s let them choose the location of their necessary outings, too, which means their current location is Yankee Stadium, for a Mets–Yankees game, and afterwards they’re going to a restaurant in the Theatre District that has a few vegan entrees. Kurt had rifled through Finn’s clothes before they left, insisting he wear some Wisconsin gear; Finn had insisted on some Mets gear, too, much to Noah’s chagrin.

The Yankees are winning, though, and Noah smirks to himself. The Yankees are winning and there’s a guy in the row in front of them who keeps glancing at Finn, like he can’t figure out why he recognizes Finn. At the top of the fifth, Noah nudges Finn with his elbow.

“You should take Rachel to get some food or something,” Noah hisses.

“But we’re going out to eat after the game,” Finn whispers back.

“Which is gonna be two hours, probably,” Noah says. “Get her one of those frozen lemonades. Or the pink ones.”

Finn sighs, but then he turns to Rachel and says, “Let’s go get a snack or something.”

“Okay!” Rachel brightens, and yeah, Kurt and Rachel aren’t the biggest baseball fans, but most sports fans don’t follow just one sport. Rachel stands up eagerly and moves to the end of the row, waiting on Finn, and as soon as they’re out of earshot, Noah turns his head towards Kurt and the Glancer from the other row, almost expectantly.

“Should I know him from somewhere?” the Glancer asks. “He looks really familiar.”

Kurt puts his phone down and raises one eyebrow. “Do you follow college football at all?”

The dude nods. “Yeah.”

“Wisconsin Badgers,” Noah supplies, talking a little louder than he might otherwise. “Bluebird Hudson?” The ‘Bluebird’ nickname will catch a few people’s attention, he’s pretty sure.

“Oh, yeah! I read that article in _Sports Illustrated_!”

“That’s Finn,” Noah says, nodding towards Finn’s empty seat. “He usually spends at least part of the summer here in New York.”

“Cool,” the Glancer says, nodding. “So’s he entering the draft or what?”

“He hasn’t decided yet,” Kurt answers. “It’s a big decision, of course. Especially when he always assumed he’d stop playing once college was done.”

“Oh yeah? That’d be too bad. He’s a great player,” the Glancer says, shaking his head. “He’s got a good arm.”

Noah nods, trying to appear noncommittal. It’s the same thing that the press says, that they can’t imagine why Finn _wouldn’t_ enter the draft. The gossip sites do their best to in fact imagine those reasons. Some of the ideas are inventive; Finn doesn’t even have an Aunt Margaret to contract either Ebola or cancer. Most of the reasons, though, call back to the blind item or similar-type rumors. Even the people that believe the blind item was about Karofsky still will post any manner of things about Finn and what his personal life might be like. 

Some of them actually get it completely right, though they’re the ones most likely to be dismissed, since apparently one lover is believable but two? Two is not.

Everyone in the section looks up as Finn and Rachel walk back, and Rachel must be telling one of her Juilliard stories, because Finn’s laughing. They _are_ pretty funny, even if Rachel doesn’t necessarily mean to include herself as one of the people being laughed about. There’s the sound of pictures being discreetly snapped, and Noah lets himself smirk as Finn and Rachel sit back down, Rachel winking at Noah.

“Mission accomplished,” Noah whispers to Finn.

“Also, I bought nachos,” Finn replies, handing Noah a container of chips and bright orange cheese dip.

“No jalapenos?” Noah jokes, balancing the nachos on his lap so Kurt and Finn can both reach them. “Clearly, Rinky Dinks has the superior nachos, then.”

“That’s probably the only superior thing there,” Kurt says dryly.

“I think there’s still time for the Mets to rally,” Finn announces as he takes a few nachos. “Lucky seventh inning. That’s where it’s at!”

“Dream on, asshole!” Noah laughs. “We’re ahead by three already.”

“Just you wait and see, asshole,” Finn retorts.

“Why do you two insist on insulting each other like you’re still in junior high?” Rachel asks, which makes Noah laugh – doubly so, since the schools in Lima had long changed to middle schools by the time they were in sixth grade.

“I just call it like I see it, Rach,” Finn says, clearly trying to hold back laughter. “And all I see when I look at Puck is _asshole_.”

“Oh.” Rachel frowns a little, shaking her head as she slurps at her frozen pink lemonade, either satisfied with Finn’s answer or further confused enough not to keep asking.

The Mets do not, in fact, rally, which means Noah’s celebrating and Finn’s dramatically faking a pout as they walk to the subway stop. The three of them let Rachel take the only available seat in their car, which makes her smile, and the fact that it’s extraordinarily crowded means they have to stand very close together, which makes _them_ smile. Despite Yankee Stadium being in the Bronx, the trip down to the Theatre District doesn’t take that long, the crowds starting to thin out once they’re off the D train.

“Where did you say we were going again, Finn?” Rachel asks. “They have vegan entrees?”

“44 Southwest. Their menu says they have a lot of vegetarian stuff. I’m sure some of it’s vegan,” Finn says with a slight shrug.

“Oh, I think I know a few people who’ve eaten there! It’s so convenient before seeing a show. I’m sure they can leave the cheese off a dish or something,” Rachel agrees. Noah isn’t sure if it’s the fact that she’s in a place with actual vegan options, Rachel finally maturing, or a combination of the two, but she’s less in people’s faces about being vegan than she ever was in Lima.

“Should still be able to get home at a reasonable hour, too,” Finn says. “Can’t slack off with my workouts just because it’s summer, right?”

“Oh, no, of course not,” Rachel says, nodding. “That makes a good deal of sense.”

“But that was a great game, though, huh?” Finn asks, even as he grimaces over his shoulder at Noah. “Lots of fun.”

Noah smirks, pointing to his Yankees hat, Finn flips him the bird, tapping it against his cheek, and Kurt rolls his eyes and shakes his head at both of them.

“It’s the first baseball game I’ve ever been to, actually,” Rachel says. “It was more enjoyable than I had expected.”

“Maybe we’ll all catch one next summer or something,” Finn offers.

Rachel grins at all three of them. “Maybe so!”

“You’re just hoping your team will win,” Noah says, reaching in front of Rachel to open the door to the restaurant for both her and Finn. “And you know it’s going to take at least a year.”

“See, I know you’re talking, but I’m not actually hearing you say anything,” Finn says. When they approach the hostess, he informs her that they have a reservation under ‘Hudson’.

Noah keeps hoping that one of these days, Finn’s going to walk into a restaurant and say it’s under ‘Hudson’ and get some kind of quip about it not being under ‘East’, but so far, it’s not happened. They get placed at one of the tables in the middle of the main room, which is perfect for their purposes.

Kurt picks out beer for the three of them, then looks at Rachel. “Did you want a beer or a glass of wine?”

Rachel shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure they’ll check ages here, too.”

She’s right, the waiter asking for ID from all three of them. “Ohio?” the waiter asks as he looks at Finn’s driver’s license last. “Visiting for the weekend?”

“Nah, I’m here for the summer,” Finn says. “I spend every summer in the city.”

“We don’t let him go back to Ohio,” Kurt says lightly. “Bad enough he has to be back in Wisconsin for preseason so early.” The waiter just nods, handing Finn’s license back, but Noah assumes at least one other person in the restaurant might have heard Kurt and made the connection. Even if only ten percent of their mentions all over Manhattan and a few other parts of the city result in a mention online, that they saw Bluebird Hudson out on what might have been a double date, it’s more than would have been out there otherwise.

Rachel finds an acceptable entree and doesn’t comment on their own selections, which is a vast improvement in her restaurant conduct. The four of them head towards her apartment immediately after dinner, though they get off the subway a stop early and walk the rest of the way. Rachel stops outside the door and smiles at them.

“Well, this was an enjoyable outing, however skeptical I was upon first learning we were going to a baseball game,” Rachel admits with a laugh. “Do we need to get together again before you go to Wisconsin, Finn?”

“Why don’t you two have coffee at my Starbucks on Thursday?” Noah suggests. “You could sit in the window seats.”

Rachel nods. “What time is good, Finn?”

“Ten would be good. I’m usually up around six, back and showered by eight or so,” Finn says. 

“Ten, then,” Rachel says, then steps back, waving at the three of them. “I’ll talk to all of you later.” With that, she enters her building, and as soon as she’s out of the lobby, Noah and Kurt slide closer to Finn.

“You know, if you take that hat off,” Kurt says quietly.

“Doesn’t really go with my Mets shirt anyway,” Finn says, whipping off the Wisconsin hat and stuffing it into his back pocket. “See? Native New Yorker now!”

“Getting there,” Noah says with a grin. “Not one of the more _intelligent_ New Yorkers, obviously, since there’s still the matter of the Mets shirt, darling.”

“Whatever, dude. The Mets are just classier,” Finn argues.

“Can’t get classier than pinstripes,” Noah says, shaking his head. He reaches behind Finn for Kurt’s hand, letting their hands come to rest where they usually do on Finn’s back. Finn responds by draping his arms across their shoulders.

“Speaking of pinstripes…” Finn begins.

“Yes, darling?” Kurt asks.

“I need a new suit before I go back to Madison. The coat won’t button on the old one. I was thinking maybe pinstripes this time.”

“You keep getting more giant,” Kurt says lightly, smiling. “Still grey, though?”

“Well, yeah,” Finn answers, like it should be obvious. “Grey suits just look better on me.”

“We’ll make sure you get your new suit,” Kurt promises. “New shirts, too?”

“Only if it’s not ok for my arms to stick out a few inches past the sleeves.”

“You two are trying to make me feel like a dwarf or something,” Noah pretends to grumble.

“It’s ok that you’re short,” Finn says, kissing Noah on the top of his head. “Somebody has to be.”

“I’m not short,” Noah says. “I’m just… shorter than both of you.”

“Which is all that really matters, baby,” Kurt says, grinning. “Oh, good, we’re nearly home.”

“Awesome! Can we have dessert and fucking?” Finn asks.

“As long as it’s a pie from across the street there,” Noah replies, gesturing towards the bakery. “Otherwise we’d have to delay the second part too much.”

“Let’s get _two_ pies,” Finn suggests. “Just in case we get hungry later, too.”

“One pie, one chocolate cake?” Noah counters. “Seems only fair.”

“Because if you had your way, you’d just get chocolate?” Kurt asks.

“Pretty much.”

“Did you know that pie comes in chocolate flavor, too?” Finn says. “Nothing saying we can’t get chocolate pie.”

“Possibly acceptable,” Noah finally decides as they cross the street. “As long as I approve of _how_ we’re eating it.”

“Naked on the futon?” Finn asks. “One piece before, one piece after?”

Noah grins. “Yeah, that’ll do. Utensils optional?”

“See?” Kurt says. “This ended up a pleasant evening after all.” He shrugs. “We just have to get through another year. Not even a full year, really. More like seven or eight months. It’s not too long.”

“Yeah,” Finn says in agreement. “This’ll be easy!”

 

Towards the end of July, Kurt decides that Finn should take Rachel to see a Broadway show, though definitely not one of the shows that Kurt and Puck would like to see. Finn and Rachel end up at _Joie de Vivre_ , which is apparently a musical about terminal cancer patients who go on a cross-country adventure after escaping from the hospital.

“So, this has gotten, like, good reviews or something?” Finn asks, as he and Rachel settle into their seats. 

“Not particularly, no,” Rachel says. “Of course, it was heavily anticipated since Ben Fankhauser and Mark Aldrich were both part of the original _Newsies_ cast and then attached to this, but I think it’s not quite lived up to the initial buzz.”

“So… it’s a musical about dying people, and it’s not even good?”

“I think the acting is supposed to be good, given what they had to work with,” Rachel says. “But the score isn’t quite inspirational.”

While Finn doesn’t usually think of scores in terms of being inspirational or not, when the music starts up, he has to actually agree with Rachel. The music is pretty boring, and the first number involves a bunch of bald people singing in a row of hospital beds. For the next song, they roll in classic car sides that attach to one of the beds, and then the two leads, Addie and George, drive away from the hospital in the car-bed.

“That’s, uh… wow,” Finn whispers to Rachel. “The set’s cool, at least?”

“It’s very innovative!” Rachel agrees, whispering back. “I suppose the costume design was rather boring, but the make-up people have their work cut out for them each night.”

“If that guy has lung cancer, how is he doing all this singing?”

Rachel giggles under her breath. “Suspension of disbelief. Did you see _Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark_?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Finn says. “It was painful. Painful, Rach.”

“Sometimes even suspension of disbelief can’t cover everything.”

At around the end of the first act, Finn starts to suspect that Addie and George might not really be on a road trip at all. Instead of getting up for a bathroom break or whatever, he asks Rachel, “So, do you think they’re really on a trip?”

“Oh, they’re on a trip.” Rachel laughs loudly. “The question is what kind of trip. The hospital could have put something extra in their IV bags.”

“It’s just, look.” Finn holds up the playbill. “It says the first song in the second act is ‘The Journey is a Metaphor’. I think that means that maybe the journey’s a metaphor for… something else that’s not a road trip.”

“Ouch.” Rachel winces. “That’s not even subtle, if they named the song that.”

“I think we’re just watching a musical about old people hallucinating. That’s really sad. Now I feel really sad!”

“That is sort of sad.” Rachel’s eyes widen. “Maybe their cancer spread and it’s now putting pressure on their brains. No wonder the reviews were so poor, Finn.”

“Can we go get ice cream or something else happy after this?” Finn asks. “This is so depressing.”

“The Shake Shack isn’t far,” Rachel answers, “and they recently added a few vegan offerings. You’ve been to the Shake Shack?”

“Yeah, and that sounds good, especially if this second act is as bad as it looks like it might be,” Finn says, as the lights dim again. Halfway into ‘The Journey is a Metaphor’, Finn leans over and whispers, “Definitely as bad as it looked.”

“I’m almost embarrassed for them,” Rachel confides as two of the nurses join in the number.

“Oh. Oh, that is _bad_ , Rach. So bad.”

The song changes to what’s meant to be a touching romantic duet, but Rachel leans over and whispers, “This song makes me want to enter a convent – and I’m Jewish!”

Finn starts to laugh, then puts his hand over his mouth to muffle the noise when the couple two rows in front of them turns to glare. When he looks over at Rachel and sees her laughing, too, he really loses it. “We were better than that in _high school_ ,” he says, in between gasps for breath.

“I know!” Rachel hisses through her laughter. “How did this make it past previews? Why are they paying to produce this?”

“Maybe it’s one of those cancer groups or something?” Finn says, finally getting his laughter under control. “Ok, now it looks like they’re swapping wigs. Are they all swapping wigs?”

“Was there a number called ‘Swapping Wigs’? Because they seem to have a total lack of understanding regarding subtlety.”

The show really doesn’t get much better from there, and at the end, Finn’s still not sure if Addie and George actually drove a car somewhere or if they had a shared hallucination while dying in the hospice. Even more, he doesn’t _care_. He’s just glad the show is over. As they’re leaving the theatre to head towards the Shake Shack, he offers Rachel his arm. 

Rachel takes his arm with a wink. “Why thank you! Well. I won’t be surprised if the closing is announced soon. Will you?”

“And deprive the rest of the world of those awesome songs?” Finn asks, then he starts singing part of ‘The Journey is a Metaphor’, only in the style of actual Journey.

“I can tell you’re going to buy the cast recording right away!” Rachel says, laughing. 

“I’m asking for it for Hanukkah.” 

“Hey! You’re Finn Hudson!” A guy stops in front of them near the Shake Shack. “Aren’t you? What a crazy coincidence, we’re from Middleton.”

“Yeah,” Finn says. “That’s me! You having a nice visit in New York?”

“Sure am!” the guy answers, grinning broadly. “Wow, my friends aren’t going to believe this. Well, hey, good luck this season!”

“Thanks, man,” Finn says, waving one hand. “Have a good rest of your trip!”

“Yeah I will! Great to meet you!” The guy waves back and heads down the street in the opposite direction, and Finn can hear him starting to call someone on his phone. 

“Is Middleton near Madison?” Rachel asks.

“Yep, it’s a suburb. It’s also where those dolls that Hannah used to love are from or whatever,” Finn says. “The American Girl dolls.”

“Oh!” Rachel nods. “That’s good then, I think.” She tilts her head back towards the direction the Middleton guy took. “That he saw us out. They’ll be happy.”

“They worry too much sometimes,” Finn says. 

“I don’t know,” Rachel admits. “Kurt seemed very concerned.”

Finn shrugs. “There’s places where rumors could be a problem. If I enter the draft, sure. I think I’m probably fine in Madison, though, and with most of the teams we play against,” he says. That’s mostly true, too, though only because they make such an effort to appear as Hudson and his brothers when in Madison. 

Rachel nods. “Well, as long as it’s not a hardship, I’m happy to help out. It really does benefit both of us.”

“Thanks again, Rach,” Finn says. “Seriously. I appreciate it. I know it’s kinda… odd or whatever, but I’ve just got enough shit on my plate already as it is, you know?”

“I think it’s quite despicable, really, that people can’t let you be,” Rachel says. “Your personal life should be none of their concern, regardless of your choices about education and career.” She sighs. “It’s good of Noah and Kurt to keep track of things though, so you don’t have to do that as well.”

“Yeah,” Finn agrees. “They take care of stuff. They always have.”

 

“The show should be over now,” Kurt mutters to himself, frowning at the television screen. “I wonder if it’s truly as horrible as the reviews say.”

“He’ll be back soon,” Noah says, sitting down on the futon next to Kurt. “And probably worse, considering I have yet to see a review that completely pans a show.”

“Good point.” Kurt shakes his head, frustrated with himself and the entire situation. He curls up against Noah’s side, watching the screen but not really registering it, until he decides to do something instead of just feeling frustrated. “I’m going to send him a message,” Kurt announces, picking up his phone.

“Okay.” Noah shrugs. “Can’t hurt. If the show really isn’t over, then he’ll still have it on vibrate.”

“Exactly.” Kurt’s fingers hover over the phone for a moment before he finally taps out the message. 

_Get held up?_

_u guys suck that musical was so bad u guys_

“Definitely don’t have to sit through that, Finn says it was bad,” Kurt says, scowling at his phone. 

_On your way?_ Kurt texts back. 

“Yeah?” Noah turns his head. “How bad?”

“We suck it was so bad.”

Noah laughs for a minute. “Guess that’s why there were such good seats left at TKTS.”

_stopped at shake shack because my mouth tastes like old people songs_

Kurt rolls his eyes and sighs. “They went to Shake Shack. That’s why he’s not back yet.”

“Do they have vegan shakes?” Noah asks. 

“Not a clue.” Kurt shrugs. “This is a stupid plan. Also a necessary one. Can it be both?”

“Probably,” Noah says. “He thinks we’re overreacting.”

“I’d rather overreact than not take it seriously enough. It’s just a few more months. No one will care once the draft is over.”

“Unless they talk him into the draft,” Noah says after a few moments of silence. “Didn’t you say Burt talks like it’s almost a done deal?”

“It seems that way, yes.” Kurt sighs. “As much as it’s lovely to see him excel, I could stand not to see him excel in the NFL.”

“Yeah, I know, blue eyes.”

Kurt’s phone chimes with another text from Finn. _what can I bring u from shake shack?_

Kurt giggles. _you know what Noah wants. caramel shake for me please_

“What’s so funny?”

“He’s bringing us shakes. I’m surprised he bothers to even wonder what you want.”

“Maybe he was quizzing you?” Noah suggests, grinning. 

“Hmm. Maybe so.” Kurt sets his phone down and sighs. “The world sucks, baby. No one cares if Finn goes to a show and a restaurant as long as it’s with a girl. He could even take two girls and those same fucking websites would be applauding him, wouldn’t they?”

“Probably,” Noah admits. “It does suck.”

“I just want it to be over. So we can just be three people that no one cares about, and no one wants to hurt.”

 

Finn’s leaving the next day, going back to his last season in Madison, and if Noah didn’t remember as it was, the bags mostly packed near the door, Ennis perched on top of them, would remind him. The three of them planned out their last Sunday night a few days earlier: naked Thai take-out dinner with questionable amounts of sleep. Before dinner, though, Noah and Kurt have to talk to him, at least once, about the draft. 

Kurt’s had enough conversations with Burt that they know Carole and Burt are really pressuring Finn to enter the draft. Oh, they wouldn’t call it pressure, but Noah knows that is exactly what it is. Pressuring from his parents, pressure from his coaches, pressure from his teammates, pressure from the media. Everyone watching him, at least everyone in Madison, and everyone invested in college football around the country. 

They won’t tell him _not_ to do it, that’s not how they work, but he needs to know that at least two people would be happy if he didn’t. That they wouldn’t tell him they were disappointed with his decision. 

“I brought a pie,” Noah announces when Kurt steps inside the apartment. 

“Oh, good.” Kurt strips without further comment, and the two of them flank Finn on the futon.

“I might even leave enough for you to have a tiny little slice,” Finn says, putting his arm around Kurt and pulling him in for a kiss. After his lips leave Kurt’s, he says, “Aren’t I awesome like that?”

“So considerate, darling,” Kurt says, laughing. 

“Consider it payment,” Noah says dryly. “For listening to us.”

“Why, is it naked storytime?” Finn asks. “I like naked storytime. You don’t have to bribe me with pie.”

“No, that’s later,” Noah says. “We wouldn’t pay you for that.”

“We’re going to have the discussion with you that no one else will,” Kurt announces.

“Oh?” Finn sighs. “Ok. Is it bad?”

“Bad?” Noah shakes his head. “No? We don’t think so. Just… our opinions sort of differ from most people’s.”

“In that we’re not going to give you a seven-point lecture on why you should enter the draft.” Kurt rolls his eyes. “On the contrary, you need to still plan as though you aren’t.”

“Well, we’d talked about that master’s program,” Finn says. “If I’m not entering the draft, that’s what I’d do. Right? That’s what I should do, I think.”

“Yes, so you need to make sure you know the deadlines,” Kurt agrees. “And all of the materials you have to submit. There’s an interview, but you can do that sometime when you’re visiting.”

“Wisconsin may not really be proactive if they’re assuming you’re going to the draft, so you’ll have to make sure they send in everything they have to,” Noah adds. “Letters and transcripts and all of that.”

“So… so what if I couldn’t go into the master’s program right away?” Finn asks. “Is there, like, a time limit or whatever? Could I go ahead and apply even if it were going to be a year or two or something like that? For example?”

“There’s deferred admission,” Kurt answers slowly. “Typically I think that’s just for a year, but that’s done sometimes, people taking a year to go abroad or work or do community service.”

“Not sure about longer than that,” Noah says.

“What if I just…” Finn’s guilty look is all over his face. “What if it was just for a year or two?”

“Finn, darling…” Kurt sighs. “That’s another thing we wanted to talk to you about. You need to decide what to do based on what _you_ want to do. Not what Coach Meredith wants or what Jamie or Doug says or even what your mom says.”

“People like to know someone successful,” Noah points out. “They like to be associated with that. We’re not saying that’s everyone’s motivation in encouraging you, but you might want to keep it in mind.”

Finn nods. “I’m keeping a lot of stuff in mind.”

“Then keep this in mind, too.” Noah shifts sideways, looking at Finn. “Every single one of them thinks those rumors have no truth behind them. Most of them have no idea what’s out there. Look, I didn’t mention it before, but there was an asshole that thought the rest of the Big Ten should start a bounty program this season.”

“Was that on one of those websites?” Finn asks. “People say all kinds of crazy shit on the internet. Look at Karofsky, though. Nobody’s done anything to him, and he’s like _out_ -out!”

“Karofsky outweighs you, he’s on the offensive line and not the quarterback, there’s not even a suggestion that he would enter the draft, and he’s in an accepting city at a university that apparently prides itself on being more tolerant than many other institutions,” Kurt lists off. “And, darling, he’s in a relationship with _one_ person. Not entering the draft, not in the public eye, not on a team that’s gone to BCS Bowls for several years straight now.”

Noah grins in spite of himself. “Yeah, what he said. And frankly, there’s less said about Karofsky, period, so I’m not sure we can compare what’s been said on the internet to what’s happened.”

“But how am I gonna pay for grad school?” Finn asks. “Mom and Burt can’t help, and I mean, I know my grades are good, but you know they’re still gonna look at me and think, hey, maybe he didn’t really earn those grades as much as somebody else might’ve.”

“That’s what your letters of recommendation are for,” Kurt says, almost dismissively. “Get an extra one, even.”

“I guess the question is if the money’s worth it,” Noah says after a minute. “I mean, fuck it. Let’s be really honest here. You can’t stand up and swear on your mom and apple pie that the rumors are false, that you’re completely straight. We’re careful, but there’s a reason that the rumors exist, Finn. Because they’re true.” Noah takes a deep breath. “And there’s a lot of people watching and playing in the NFL that don’t particularly like that idea. It’s a big fucking deal that they’ve gotten so many vocal allies, but it’s less than a hundred guys out of over fifteen hundred on the rosters, darling. It’s less than ten percent.”

“I’m not gonna stand up and swear anything,” Finn snaps. “But isn’t that why you guys have me fake-dating Rachel? It’ll take care of the rumors, and then we don’t have to worry about them either way.”

“It mitigates the rumors,” Kurt says. “It keeps the OSU player who thinks he’s clever from actually asking his teammates to try harder to sack you.”

“If the rumor was that you had some kind of secret that wasn’t true, yeah, we could probably take care of them completely. Faking these dates with Rachel, though, it’s just— I mean, hell, she doesn’t know the full story, but there are people who can spot this kind of thing.” Noah sighs. “It’s not a perfect solution, and we’re just— we’re just a little scared.”

“Look, I’m not making a decision right now, ok?” Finn says. “There’s still months. I probably won’t do it, ok? I just need some time to think about all of it.”

“And we aren’t saying you have to decide,” Noah responds. “But that’s all we’re saying. That _you_ think about it, all of it.”

“Ok. I am. I’m thinking about it,” Finn says. 

“Okay.” Kurt sighs. “And now you get paid in pie.”

“Nope. I get paid in sex,” Finn counters. “And _then_ in pie.”


	4. Stupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syd sees things more clearly.

Syd puts her hands on her hips, gazing around the room and feeling glad that she’s not one to hoard. It’s going to be hard enough to pack everything in the Volt as it is. 

“Hudson,” she says slowly. “You know anyone that wants a falling-apart chest?”

“Probably not, but I know some guys who might like to smash it or something,” Finn says. “Snyder’s got a sledgehammer for some reason and he likes to smash stuff with it for fun.”

“Well, that’s— sure. Someone can use it for kindling, afterwards.” Syd sighs. “So, Finn, why exactly are you engaging in this stupidity?”

“It’s kinda fun to watch the pieces fly everywhere. It’s, like, relaxing.”

“Right. The other stupidity, Finn. Far be it from me to judge the football team’s hobbies.”

“Oh. You mean the Rachel thing?” Finn asks, then shrugs. “They thought it would be a good idea, keep people off my back, you know?”

“Mmmhmm.” Syd sighs and sits on the edge of her bed. “So you have a beard that doesn’t know she’s a beard, but she does at least know it’s not anything real?” Syd can’t help but sound skeptical.

“She was really cool about everything,” Finn says. “She understands it’s not a real thing, but she says it’s useful for both of us, because it gets her name out there or whatever. Anyway, part of why it’s good that it’s Rach is that she doesn’t really _want_ much out of a relationship other than to have her picture taken and eat vegan food at nice restaurants.”

“I’m sure she does like the attention,” Syd says, because she’s heard enough about Rachel to agree that it could be enough of a reason for her. “Just— when are people going to be off your back enough?”

Finn shrugs again. “After the draft comes and goes, I guess?” he says. “Once that’s over with, they don’t think that people will really care what I do all that much.” He stacks one box on top of another one. “It’s not the _best_ thing in the world, Syd. I know that. It’s just… I can’t do another blind item. I just can’t. Things are finally mostly normal again. I can just relax and play and not worry about what people are thinking about me.”

Syd nods slowly. It doesn’t take excellent deductive skills to know that Noah and Kurt don’t want Finn to enter the draft, and they’re probably right about people not caring, as long as he doesn’t. She has to ask, though, because someone needs to. “And if you do enter the draft?”

Finn doesn’t answer at first. He tapes a few more boxes closed and then stacks them on top of each other, stepping back to look at them critically with his hands on his hips. Finally he sighs, and says, “I don’t know, Syd. We didn’t think it that far out.”

Which means that Noah and Kurt didn’t even bring up what would happen about the fake-dating if Finn does decide to enter the draft. She can’t imagine that they don’t have things planned out, so the lack of discussion indicates denial. The denial doesn’t particularly surprise her. Syd shakes her head twice and sighs, then makes herself change the subject. 

“How _are_ you going to survive without me this year, Hudson?”

“I don’t know,” Finn confesses. “I’ll have to text you a lot, I guess.”

“You’d better,” Syd says. “Make sure Brooklyn keeps the rest of the Elevens in line.”

“She keeps talking about something called ‘Elevens Bootcamp’,” Finn says, laughing. “I’m sort of worried about what that means.”

Syd grins. “At least you don’t have to attend it.”

“Are you kidding? I’m the… whatchacallit? Keynote speaker!”


End file.
